This was an intense moment, even though it was performance-based.  I had to conjure up real thoughts that elicited true raw fear, the role I was dancing.  And while dancing, shaking, running and screaming can be helpful outlets to channel stress impulses, can we stay a moment and lean into what's there--what's really alive in us--before trying to rid ourselves of it?  Because, as with every earth experience, I believe, there's value in this pause and introspection toward our awakening from the sleep of our conditioning, i.e., the should's/shouldn'ts of how to be human.  

Being vulnerable is something I've long been trained to avoid, having found myself already categorized as the weaker underdog in so many contexts growing up as a petite female immigrant with a heavy "un-American" accent in LA.  And so, in building my internal defenses to feel stronger than I was perceived, my inner sergeant developed such competitive harsh mantras, like, "You need to show you're worthy.  Do more!  Always be productive and on the go!  Don't let them beat you.  You need to prove yourself!"  I've learned that repeated thoughts become beliefs, even if they're not truth but merely tainted perception, sometimes born out of insecurities.  

But as yoga has taught, while movement is important, stillness and deep listening are gold, too.  Self-inquiry that questions my long-held beliefs has been essential to help unveil illusions I've developed as barbed wire around my heart; The barbed wire helped me feel tough but didn't give room to expand beyond the limiting familiar.  It takes courage to sit with the discomfort of emotional pain, but in doing so with love, we can deconstruct the hurtful thoughts that imprison us.  Moreover, we can realistically approach the yogic practice of pradipaksha bhavanam, or transforming negative thoughts into their opposite, without spiritual bypassing and ignoring that there's any internal disturbance altogether.  

If you're feeling called to explore this courageous inner work, it will be the focus of our Zoom workshop, Transform Obstacles into Opportunity (Tools for Clarity), Thursday, 12/17 @6-7pm PST. Learn more or request a recording of the workshop here.

What stories do you tell yourself about other's behaviors or day-to-day events?  How much of our mind's interpretations align with the truth of what we're observing?  How much of our thoughts, especially habitual ones, cause us suffering, with emotions like anger, resentment, jealousy, self-hatred, guilt, shame, etc, that we keep hidden in the dark side of our moon?  These questions were explored ages ago by wise sages, and their insights are still relevant in our common humanity.  Under the yogic belief that all is one consciousness, forgetting this as our true nature was identified as the main cause of human suffering.  In forgetting that we are not our bodies or even our minds, we succumb to other thought patterns that cause suffering: defining ourselves by our social or familial conditioning and fears, clinging to what's impermanent, resisting life's uncertainties and challenges and fearing death.  

So how do we regain clarity amid the mind's tendencies?  Cultivating self-awareness is an ongoing practice in yoga and mindfulness, and it's key to empowering our conscious choice to free ourselves from such suffering (as well as the suffering we may project onto others).  This light of clarity nurtures the courage and pure love within us to be who we truly are, without demonizing parts of ourselves or each other. Just as the moon is always full, despite our changing perceptions that it's less than, we are more than the thoughts that label or narrow us.   

This workshop session on Thursday, 12/17, is meant to plant (or water, depending on where you are in your journey) seeds of self-awareness, empower conscious choice and explore practical yoga and mindfulness techniques that help us to lead peaceful fulfilling lives, seeing beyond circumstance and allowing solutions to arise-- when we're in a state of grounded clarity and genuine self-love.  Let's work together to build unity consciousness, starting within.

Has this year got you feeling like you have your head caught between your legs?  Perhaps that's an understatement.  When the wheels of everyday life come to a crash, what's there to do to feel sane?  After we've sulked, continue to grieve over what's been lost and maybe even drown ourselves in ice cream or whatever mutes the pain, we're still here now.  

I find it interesting that in the eye of the storm sits complete calm, so they say.  Our head between our legs may not be comfortable, but it's surely a different perspective.  One that can let us see which of our previous ways may have actually been upside down. Or, were preventing our own flexibility for change and growth.  Or, were undermining our ability to transcend obstacles and surrender to creativity that flows through all of us--when our minds aren't busy in default mode.  

Change can be magnificent, said the caterpillar, as I've witnessed some of you creating your delicious lemonade with this year's lemons.  It's a state of mind, as yoga teaches, beyond the physical poses.  How can we be the eyes, centered in higher vision, throughout whatever storms arise?  Not expecting perfection, but aligning with our pure potentiality, knowing that we're in continuous evolution despite each's unique pace.  

These past months have inspired new offerings that enliven me to share with you.  But here's the soonest upcoming...To bring conscious closure to this eventful 2020, join me online with a soulful community on three Thursdays, 6-7pm PT in December for a workshop series birthed from last month's virtual retreat, Tools for Clarity.  Each session includes 15 min. chakra-focused all-levels yoga postures and breath work, 10 min. guided meditation and 35 min journaling and group/partner conversation.  Each session builds on the next:

12/3 Root in Clarity & Alignment 
12/10 Empathy Empowers Peace
12/17 Transform Obstacles into Opportunity

We'll dive into practical tools to become aware of our unwanted daily patterns and choose freedom and to strengthen our volition and skillful capacity ​with wisdom from the Yoga Sutras, mindfulness practices, Nonviolent Communication, activational thought leaders and most importantly, from within.  Let's connect in meaningful ways and invite grace as we transition out of 2020. 

May you ride the waves with peace in your center.

Find our workshop details and registration at sliding-scale investment here.

Ever feel quarantine fatigue?  I don’t know about you but if I’m indoors for too long without sunshine, fresh air and trees, I feel antsy—sometimes even sad or depleted.  Regardless of how busy my day may seem, it’s essential that I commit to daily quality time in nature.  I feel happier, stronger and more connected to life, Spirit and my true self when I do. Do you feel a difference when you do or don’t spend regular time in nature?

There’s plenty of research about the benefits of nature immersion on your mind, body and spirit.  An article on IonLoop explained that negative ions are found in high quantities in dense forestation and can absorb through your skin and lungs.  Once absorbed, they may help to lower inflammation, reduce stress and boost serotonin—a feel-good hormone.  A June 2019 scientific report concluded that spending at least 120 minutes in nature per week is associated with good health and wellbeing.  Japan has a health practice called nature bathing, or shinrin-yoku, in which you fully immerse your senses in nature and among its health benefits is a stronger immune system and uplifted mood.  
 
But I think the best research is hands-on—Do it yourself.  Notice how 20-60 minutes a day of being amongst the trees, sunshine and fresh air affect you.  I challenge you to try it for a week, and revisit this post to share your findings in the comments below!

​Since July, the month he transitioned 17 years ago, to his bEARTHday yesterday, I've felt my dad's presence more strongly--from seeing his name, Milo, boldly painted on rocks I passed while hiking or biking in different places in nature to a physical injury that called me to look deeper into my energetic predisposition (as I believe that physical dis-ease is often a symptom of energetic imbalance).  I got to thinking about how alike my dad and I are, despite the walls we built between us during his human being.  I've been feeling more and more the strength of the bridges he's been building from the other side, from his greater knowing, as a call to healing patterns.

The pandemic and other recent awakening events may have spurred many of us into profound introspection, questioning lifelong or generational patterns--from spoken and unspoken worldwide traditions to personal triggers and emotional reactions.  And how we may blindly perpetuate patterns that continue to harm--from disciplining children by instilling guilt and shame to constantly comparing yourself to others to deem your worthiness.  But how empowering it can be to notice, to become aware.  To realize that no matter how long "it's always been done this way," we can choose to not become a slave to those patterns.  We can choose to forgive and to heal ourselves, those before us and those after us, realizing there's so much interconnection. 

Those darn emotions I sometimes condemn myself for having, like anger, resentment, fear and shame, are all tools for healing--because they provide awareness.  And with awareness, comes choice. Go back to the norm, just because it's familiar (even if you were suffering) or evolve into the unknown, with trust that you are inherently part of a Greater Knowing.  

After all, yoga is ultimately a path to Self-realization, or union with our true nature--the eternal part of ourselves that's beyond generations of imprinting and our habits.  It's the limitless Self that transcends the boundaries of fear: pure love.

Thank you, Dad, for the bright light you shine.  
Camilo Ngayan Chua  11/16/48 - 7/19/03

Hiking Topanga Overlook, October 2020